


Vampire Hunter D by Walt Disney

by certs_up



Category: Vampire Hunter D
Genre: Deliberate Badfic, Deliberately Bad Fanart, Gen, Inspired by Disney, Nonnies Made Me Do It, Token Diversity, Token Music, Token Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 22:47:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6258817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/certs_up/pseuds/certs_up
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Disney Studios applied their magic to the Vampire Hunter D universe? This is a sketch outlining what it might look like! Deliberate badfic for the Unofficial Bad Bang #5.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vampire Hunter D by Walt Disney

**Author's Note:**

> This is a concept sketch of how the Vampire Hunter D universe would look if Walt Disney made it into one of their amazing animated movies. The songs are just described, because Disney Studios will of course hire their own songwriter. Also, this is done more as a concept than a script, because Disney will of course hire their own scriptwriter. This sketch will be enough to convince them of the viability of this concept. CONCEPT!
> 
> Lefty is of course D's left hand or the parasite that lives in it. Kurochou is an original character, because D needs another mascot besides Lefty. Kurochou is a butterfly with black wings who wears a ninja outfit. 
> 
> This sketch takes ideas from several of the Vampire Hunter D novels, all of which are equally awesome!

The sun is low in the sky. D sings about how he wishes it didn't give him joy, but he can't help it; night is when he feels best. Lefty tells him to stop denying his nature. Kurochou appears: He's been scouting ahead. He starts to scold Lefty, but D says, "No, he's right. It's because I am what I am that I live the way I do."

"All the same," says Kurochou, "your cyborg horse's battery needs recharging. I found a town that we can make it to before dark."

At the gates of the next town there stands a badass woman guard. "It's lucky we need a vampire hunter," she tells him glaring at him sternly, "because we don't let dhampirs into this town otherwise. If you want to do business here, you'll go to the sheriff's office first."

D goes to the sheriff's office. The sheriff looks like Bart from Blazing Saddles. He looks angry and suspicious, but he says, "We need to hire a vampire hunter. We've been hearing bad rumors about a fishing village on the other side of the mountain range -- that a vampire is living there. None of us want to risk getting turned into vampires, so we're looking to hire a vampire hunter to keep us safe. Go to that village and find out what's going on. If there's a vampire there, get rid of him. If he's made the whole village into vampires, kill them too."

"I have to recharge my horse," D tells him.

Cut to the village livery. D's horse is plugged into a wall outlet. D is lounging on a pile of hay nearby. He sings a song about how everyone knows him as a vampire hunter, but the vampire he's really hunting for is his father.

Cut to early morning. D is riding out of the village gates. The badass female guard tells him, "Don't come back until you've killed some vampires."

D and his horse are riding through lightly forested foothills. A giant tree spreads its branches near the road. Suddenly a branch reaches out and tries to grab D off his horse! Before the branch reaches him, D draws his sword and slices it off! More branches reach for him, and he slices them off too as his horse leaps into a gallop.

"That was close," says Lefty.

"When we were in that village, I heard strange things about the plants in the mountains," says Kurochou. "There are plants that can attack people in different ways. I think that's the real reason nobody wants to cross the mountains to learn the truth about the fishing village. They're afraid of the plants in the mountains -- not vampires in the fishing village."

"A little warning would have been nice!" Lefty tells him. Kurochou darts off with a "Hmph!"

The road ahead is broken by a chasm. Mist is rising up from it, and in the middle of the road at the cliff's edge is Kurochou!

"Hey," says Lefty, "what's wrong with hi-- ack! Poison vapors!"

"Swallow them up," D tells him. D holds his left palm forward and pulls a scarf over his face.

"Slave driver," Lefty mutters, and he opens his mouth and inhales. A great wind draws the poison mist from the chasm into Lefty's mouth. As the wind blows good air past Kurochou, he revives. In fact, the wind keeps sucking and pulls him up. He flaps his wings desperately to keep from being drawn into Lefty's mouth while shouting, "Hey! HEY!"

D closes his left fist just in time to stop Kurochou from being drawn in, so Kurochou ends up draped on his knuckles, eyes rolling a little.

"Eugh," he says. "That was close."

"I'll say," says Lefty's muffled voice. "You could have poisoned me."

Kurochou has recovered and flaps his wings to hover around D. "There was a bridge here, but it's at the bottom of the chasm. It looks like it was destroyed on purpose."

D rides to the cliff edge. It's a long way down. It's also a long way across. As they watch, the chasm gets mistier and mistier. Kurochou says, "I think there are plants in the bottom that produce these poison vapors. We need to get out of here."

D pulls a spool of wire out of his saddlebag. He makes a loop in one end and throws it like a lasso. The loop grabs a big rock on the other side of the chasm. D dismounts, breaks off the wire, and wraps its other end around another big rock. Then he mounts up.

"What are -- hey, wait a minute!" Lefty exclaims as the cyborg horse _jumps_ onto the wire and canters along it all the way to the other side, where it jumps off just as smoothly. "Is that even possible?!"

The cyborg horse keeps walking on the road, but the surface becomes strange. Instead of being flat or having little washes, it's covered with growth like little corals. They crack and crumble under the cyborg horse's hooves.

A voice like thunder speaks from in front of them. "WHO DISTURBS MY GARDEN PATCH?"

An enormous figure heaves into view. It's built like a very stout man with messy red hair and an enormous nose. He's wearing worn overalls and carrying a stone club. He's five times as tall as a human.

"A sun troll!" Lefty exclaims. "They grow rocks like people grow vegetables. So that's why--"

"I am D," D tells the sun troll. "I am traveling to a fishing village on the other side of the mountains."

"YOU ARE ANOTHER HUMAN TRAMPLING MY GARDEN PATCH. I CUT DOWN THE BRIDGE OVER THE POISON CHASM BECAUSE HUMANS WERE CROSSING IT TO TRAMPLE MY GARDEN."

"Maybe you should put your garden somewhere other than a road," Lefty snaps.

"I WILL CRUSH YOU THE WAY YOU HAVE CRUSHED MY GARDEN," the sun troll says, and he raises his club and strides forward.

Suddenly the sun troll stops. Tiny throwing stars appear on his face -- _shuu, shuu, shuu!_ He vainly waves his rock club as he clutches at his face! "Argh! Ow!"

But D doesn't make the cyborg horse gallop on the road of rock-plants. He goes off the road, right between the sun troll's legs as he staggers around, pawing at his face with one hand and swinging the stone club with the other. Eventually the cyborg horse slows to a walk. Kurochou soon catches up.

"I waited for him to pull out my shuriken," he says. "I found them where he threw them away. He threw them a long way."

They are on a winding road on the side of a mountain. The view is beautiful. Somewhere in the distance, a dog is barking.

Dissolve after dissolve to more winding mountain roads. Then where D is riding, we can hear the dog barking again. But it's not a dog. It's a fox. It stands in the road barking with its hackles raised. Then it tucks its tail and runs away. A cabin or shack is on a little plateau by the road, and an old woman is in the yard. It is a sand yard, and she is sweeping the sand with a straw broom. She looks like a Native American. She's wearing a colorful dress with a long, full skirt.

"Would you like some tea, horseman?" she says to D. "Travelers don't come here very often."

"The poison plants and missing bridge and sun troll might have something to do with that," Lefty mutters.

"Can you tell me anything about a fishing village on the other side of these mountains?" D asks.

"Why, yes, I can, though I don't go there very often. Come in and have some tea. You can water your horse too."

"I don't suppose you have any nectar?" Kurochou asks hopefully.

"I don't suppose you know why there was a barking fox in the road," Lefty says. 

"Oh, I'm sorry if my fox bothered you," the old woman says. "She's tame, but she's not used to visitors."

Kurochou sounds suspicious as he asks, "Does she have more than one tail?"

The old woman laughs. "Not that I've ever noticed, dear! I'm not one for cut flowers in the house, but there are some rose vines over on that mountain face. Please help yourself."

Kurochou zips off.

Soon D and the old woman are sitting at a simple table and sipping tea out of plain cups. "I'm Granny Reed," the woman tells him. "I didn't catch your name, by the way."

"D," says D. "Maybe you can tell me about the fishing village."

"Of course, dear. Except there's not much to tell. I make a trip there every few months to stock my larder with dried fish. There's a little cafe there, a nice place to have lunch if you're passing through. The people there are generally plain folk. Oh! But last time I visited, there was something new, or rather, someONE new. There's a hill that overlooks the village with an old mansion on it. It was deserted for a long time, but finally someone moved in, a very rich gentleman, very distinguished, or so everyone told me. Some folks said--" and here she leans forward, lowering her voice "--he's really a Noble! But nobody had been attacked by him, and there weren't any mysterious disappearances or people acting funny or anything like that. So if he was a Noble, perhaps he was one of those peculiar ones who leaves people alone and keeps to himself. I've heard some of them are like that."

"It doesn't last," D says gloomily.

"Now, you mustn't be hasty to judge, young man!" And then she sings a song about seeing people as individuals instead of making assumptions. At the end she says, "I know the Nobility have done terrible things, and I suppose some of them are terrible people. But we have to be fair to those few who just want to live and let live. It's getting late; would you like to stay the night?"

"I need to be on my way now. Thank you for the tea."

"You're welcome, dear. Have a safe journey."

In the twilight outside, Kurochou and the fox are playfully chasing each other.

* * *

When D is a little outside the village, he stops to look it over and starts singing about how this is the kind of place he'd like to retire to, he'd like to go spear-fishing or just sit in the shade looking out over the sea. But he can't do something like that because he has a quest.

Cut to the inside of the mansion on the hill above the fishing village. All the shades are drawn. The interior is lit by chandeliers and candles. The Sacred Ancestor is sitting next to a large egg (large as in holding something about his size) with a few cracks in it, and he's singing about having found a place he can live a quiet life with something he can call his own. He sings about how he found this egg and it made him realize he'd been wasting his life selfishly. Now that he's found something to take care of, he just wants to settle down with whatever this is that nature has bestowed on him.

The screen intercuts between the two as they are both singing. D sings about having to travel the world searching, and the Sacred Ancestor sings about having finally found a place to settle down with his new pet, whatever it turns out to be.

D rides up to the village entrance. He meets a tropical version of the badass female guard who was at the inland village on the other side of the mountains. She's very scantily dressed. There's no scarf on her neck, and no bite marks either. She's much friendlier than the other guard and says, "Oh, let me show you around," and she walks ahead of D's horse and does a singing tour of the village. There's only one street, but everyone on it joins in so that the tour turns into a big production number with everyone singing about the job they do and the sheriff saying he's so bored because the town is so peaceful. Everyone smiles. Nobody wears a scarf or high collar. Nobody has bite marks. The sun is shining on everyone.

Finally D's guide has brought him to the other end of town and points to the mansion on the hill. She tells how it was deserted for decades, maybe centuries, and then someone moved in. He keeps to himself.

"But tonight," she tells D, "he's hosting a party for the whole village. I'm sure he'd like it if you came too. You know...." she frowns thoughtfully "...I think you look a little like him."

"So you've seen him," D says.

"Well--" she looks embarrassed "--he did introduce himself to everybody when he moved into town. But he asked us just to call him Count D."

"Could some Noble be mocking me by using my name?" D mutters. Aloud, D says, "Don't you think it's odd that he calls himself a count? Nobility are vampires."

"Even if he is," and the guide/guard now sounds a little defensive, "he's never bothered anybody. There haven't been vampire attacks in this village for centuries. There haven't been any mysterious deaths or anybody going missing. If he lives here, he's one of us. You'll get to meet him tonight."

D takes a room at the Halibut Inn, and it gives him a good view of the hillside and the mansion, which is at the opposite end of town. As night falls, villagers gather, bringing multicolored lanterns. They dance with them on the hillside.

Cut to the darkness, where the bright lanterns are reflected in a pair of slit-pupilled eyes. The eyes narrow, and the creature that owns them leaps into the sky.

D rides down the town's deserted main street. Just as his horse arrives at the base of the hill, the Sacred Ancestor emerges from the mansion. "Welcome to my party, everyone!" he says, and the villagers fall silent and stop dancing. "I want to thank all of you for coming. And I want to show you something. Come here, little one."

But before "little one" can respond, there is a crash at the opposite end of the village. The villagers gasp and shriek, and even D turns to look. Something big has landed in the darkness, taking down a few buildings.

Kurochou flutters up above D's head. He's wearing night vision goggles, and he says, "It's a dragon. A big one!"

The dragon advances along the main street, which isn't really big enough for it. Again we see lanterns reflected in its eyes. D turns his horse to face it and draws his sword. The villagers are fleeing up the hill; a few jump off its high cliff into the sea. 

The Sacred Ancestor is struggling to close the door on his pet -- it finally pushes past him, revealing itself to be a dragon the size of a Shetland pony. Even as the Sacred Ancestor is pushing himself back to his feet and saying, "Get back inside! I'll protect you!" the little dragon gives a squeal and bounces forward, flapping stubby wings that aren't big enough to keep it aloft. It stumbles and rolls down the hill, and Kurochou turns at the noise and announces, "It's another dragon! A little one!"

The big dragon roars. D confronts it. The dragon literally slaps the cyborg horse out from under D, but D leaps clear, and as he comes down, his sword is point down. It goes into the dragon's foreleg, pinning it to the ground. Just then the little dragon, still rolling, rolls to the bottom of the hill, and the big dragon is just, JUST able to reach out and stop it.

The two dragons look into each other's eyes, and their eyes are the same, reflecting the scattered lanterns still on the hill.

D pulls out his sword. Mom dragon limps a little on the injured leg, but then she scoops up baby dragon (who is making cute purring and trilling noises) and flies off.

D sheathes his sword and looks around. Villagers are cautiously returning to the hillside or pulling themselves out of the sea near the village proper. The Sacred Ancestor is no longer in front of his mansion.

D walks into the twilight. Ahead of him he sees dim figures. As he gets closer, they resolve into the Sacred Ancestor and D's horse. When the dragon whacked D's horse, it hit the foreleg on the same side as the dragon's leg that D injured, and it's looking glum. The Sacred Ancestor is kneeling beside it, looking at the injured leg. The leg is mostly mechanical, so perhaps the problem should be called damage rather than injury.

"That's my horse," says D.

The Sacred Ancestor gets up. He is REALLY TALL, something we haven't been able to appreciate previously because there's been nothing to give scale, like another person or a cyborg horse. He towers over D. He towers over the cyborg horse.

"You are my son," he tells D.

"You're my father!" D exclaims. They hug.

"I've been waiting for you so long," says the Sacred Ancestor.

"I've been looking for you so long," says D.

The horse tries to get in on their hug but nearly knocks them over when it nearly falls because one of its legs doesn't work.

"Now that I've found you, I can settle down, and I don't need a horse any more," says D.

"Don't be silly," says the Sacred Ancestor. "This mansion that I moved into used to be a repair facility for cyborg horses. It all still works. I can fix your horse." (The horse perks up at this.)

The Sacred Ancestor grabs the horse's reins in one hand and puts his arm around D's shoulders. "Let's go home, son," he says.

End music plays. Credits roll with Kurochou fluttering around them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Erin_C for skilled Disney-picking!


End file.
